As a child, I was always "healthy", or in other worlds slightly overweight. In 9th grade I lost a lot of weight, but not in the healthiest way. I basically restricted my eating. The newly found attention was flattering at first, but it made me even more self-conscious. That's when my relationship with food started on its roller coaster. In high school, I would never eat breakfast, barely eat lunch, get home from school and have a bowl of cereal and a small dinner. Freshman year at college, my roommate and I hated the cafeteria food so we would fill up on junk food. Obviously, I gained some weight back and felt disgusted with my body. I was constantly on diets and counting every calorie. The funny thing is, I didn't care what I put in my body. If not eating the whole day meant I could eat a sundae for dinner, I was fine. Two years ago, I started to care about the foods that went into my body. I changed my eating habits to include real food and started exercising regularly. I was living on my own at the time and with graduation creeping up I started to feel anxious. I started to have uncontrollable binges that would leave me feeling disgusted and ashamed. I think it's important for me to point out that throughout this whole ordeal, I was never overweight. I just thought I was. It was a vicious cycle of hating my body -> feeling depressed -> binges-> restricting ->guilt/shame ->hating my body. I finally came to the realization that my negative thoughts were harming my body.
This past year my food philosophy has changed even more. I now feel more in control of my life. Sure I still have the occasional negative thoughts when I overindulge, but I am learning to redirect those thoughts and love my body. Exercising has played a huge role in my learning to accept my body. Through running I can clear my head and release some of my tension. Through yoga, I've learned to appreciate my body and admire it. Both of these things have taught me how incredibly strong and beautiful the human body is.
6 comments:
I love the story and it's good to hear that you are in a better place now. And I totally understand what you said about what running can do to how you view your body- Amen!
Thanks Ashley :)
By the way, I'm working on a post and pictures are coming soon!
Thanks for sharing. You've come a long way!
Thanks amanda!
Hi Monica- thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so reassuring to read these stories so we all know that we all share struggles with food and body image, and that if we support each other, we can stay focused on being healthy together! I just love your blog- I think you eat such healthy meals with a focus upon taste, and lov ehow you incorporate "normal" and vegan meals into your diet for variety!
My name is Anna and I recently started a blog called "Meals from the Girl in the Little Black Dress"
http://mealsfromthegirlinthelittleblackdress.wordpress.com
And I am wondering if I might provide a link to your blog on my website? You have been such an inspiration to me I would love to reflect that on my blog! Anyway, the aim of my blog is similar to yours- to chronicle my healthy eating habits and contribute to the dialogue we all have that shows that healthy means sometimes eating "perfect" and sometimes eating not so perfect! If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them! Thanks so much! PS- Your dog is ab.so.lute.ly.a.dor.a.ble. I love him!
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can relate to a lot of it, and I'm glad to hear that you are doing better now. I agree that yoga is amazing for learning to accept your body as it is an appreciate all of the amazing things that it can do. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
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